My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We have recently been seriously discussing marriage and children and both agree that we would like to have a child sooner rather than later due to age issues. In the meantime, his sister who has been dating for 1 year got engaged – her wedding date is not until September 2008.
Would it be inappropriate for us to get married before her now or would this steal from her spotlight? I’m not very comfortable with waiting until after she was married (2009) to get then get married and pregnant later on due to the whole age factor again.
Please help? Also, my boyfriend’s sister plans on having a big traditional wedding and we plan on having a small Caribbean style wedding – so obviously family would have to save for that trip… I’ve thought of getting pregnant now, be back in shape for her wedding and then us getting married later but that probably won’t sit too well with the Catholics in my family…
You’ve got plenty of time to get married before your sister does. If it concerns you that much, talk to her about it and tell her what’s going on. The age factor can be a serious one when it comes to pregnancy and child birth. Its something you have to be very careful about. Just explain to your sister that you very much want to have children but are closing in on that crucial time and would prefer not to have them out of wedlock. You can plan destination weddings really quickly and pretty inexpensively with package deals as long as you don’t expect to have a lot of guests in attendance. Destination weddings are designed to be small intimate affairs anyhow. The destination wedding thing is a great idea in your case, because if she wants a big home town traditional wedding, you won’t be "stealing her thunder". However, she’s your sister. I doubt she’d feel that way anyhow. I’m sure she’s aware that you want kids and love your boyfriend very much. In fact, she’ll probably be very happy for you. Afterall, she’ll get to be an aunty! I wish you the best of luck in this matter and with your future family!
Oops. I’m sorry. Its his sister. My bad. Still, pretty much the same advice applies. Good luck and have fun making a baby!
My daughters were married 11 weeks apart and no one felt the other was stealing the spotlight. You are having two entirely different weddings. Realize, tho, that a destination wedding might keep some from attending.
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Getting married in the next couple months won’t steal anything from her. Her wedding is still OVER A YEAR AWAY.
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Get married when you want. It doesn’t matter when or if his sister is getting married. The engaged couple sets the date, not the groom’s family.
I doubt that the sister will end up getting married, anyway. A long engagement is a sign of insecurity and uncertainty in the relationship.
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I say you can get married now like you want to, and no i don’t think it will take from her spotlight. Because both of the wedding are different in every aspect, and just because you wedding is in the caribbean doesn’t mean that the people attending your wedding won’t have any finances left to attend hers. Both yours and her wedding can be a beautiful occassion if you just let it be. good luck and i hope and your man gets the family that you both want and need. god bless.
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I had this same situation – my (much) younger sister declared her wedding about a week before I proposed to my (now) fiancee! I was a little miffed at this, but there are no laws on such things. Anyway, sis set a date 18 months ahead, and then I set a date of our wedding 12 months ahead – ie beating her by 6 months. Nobody complained, it’s not a race. As long as you don’t plan it for the same week as hers, you’ll be fine.
The really ironic thing is my fiancee is now pregnant – and the due date is the week of my sister’s wedding!!!
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Well, In all honosty, My wedding is May 19th and my Broth and sister in Law got married this last sunday May 6th.
We had been planning ours for about a year and half and they decided theres a month before because she got married.
It really made me feel uncomfortable, and almost as if I have to compete. The family kept asking "will yours be as nice as theirs" and the family helped pay for theirs not ours. I sort of felt jealous and angry.
I am not looking forward to beign compared to their wedding. I feel almost as if they stole the spotlight from us.
But if you want to be pregnant and have children Get married, Don’t do it close to theirs, You can plan a wedding quickly. I just thought you might like my story of how I felt about the quickie marriage/pregnancy.
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In my opinion, you and your boyfriend should find the timing and schedule for your major life events that work best for you, and let other things be secondary.
In terms of stealing his sister’s spotlight, that would only be possible if you were planning on getting married in the same month. Getting married a year before her won’t detract from her special day. In fact, you can do her the favor of passing on your organized list of the guests’ addresses, and any other tips you pick up during your planning process. Go on, get married, and good luck!
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So many women are having children before they get married these days, that either choice is appropriate. It all really depends on whether or not you want to get married now or in 2 years. Either way have the children. My sister had my niece and they did not get married until she was about 5. She was in the wedding and it was adorable. A carribbean wedding would be difficult with a young child though, just traveling and finding someone to watch them for the honeymoon. Personally I would just do it now. and then relax at home with the baby. Congrats
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Hi,
Do it! Go have fun in the Caribbean, and get pregnant.
If not, others will always run (ruin??) your life.
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Experience
Get married now, but downscale your wedding plans.
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You’ve got plenty of time to get married before your sister does. If it concerns you that much, talk to her about it and tell her what’s going on. The age factor can be a serious one when it comes to pregnancy and child birth. Its something you have to be very careful about. Just explain to your sister that you very much want to have children but are closing in on that crucial time and would prefer not to have them out of wedlock. You can plan destination weddings really quickly and pretty inexpensively with package deals as long as you don’t expect to have a lot of guests in attendance. Destination weddings are designed to be small intimate affairs anyhow. The destination wedding thing is a great idea in your case, because if she wants a big home town traditional wedding, you won’t be "stealing her thunder". However, she’s your sister. I doubt she’d feel that way anyhow. I’m sure she’s aware that you want kids and love your boyfriend very much. In fact, she’ll probably be very happy for you. Afterall, she’ll get to be an aunty! I wish you the best of luck in this matter and with your future family!
Oops. I’m sorry. Its his sister. My bad. Still, pretty much the same advice applies. Good luck and have fun making a baby!
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You cant plan your lives around other people, it just doesnt work that way. Get engaged, have your wedding and yor kids on YOUR schedule, not your SIL’s.
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If you’re going to do it, do it now! There’s still more than a year left until her wedding, so you won’t be stealing her thunder.
Three months before my husband and I got married, his older sister (who had been making comments all along about how she didn’t want her "little brother" getting married before her) decided that she was getting married four weeks before we did. As a result, I was unable to go to the wedding, and everyone recognized it as her attempt to be sure that she was "married first." As long as you don’t do something like that, you should be ok!
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Nah, go ahead and do what you feel is best for your future husband and yourself.
I suggest, if age is such an issue, go ahead and have your small gathering. It won’t outshine a big traditional wedding, especially if it’s over a year from now.
Get planning, and best of luck!
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My brother and my wedding are only six months apart, he’s now married and my wedding is in July. You need to be conscious of not stealing their thunder, but that’s no reason to not plan your wedding when you want. Go for it!! And congrats!
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Get married when and where you want.
If people get "upset" for whatever reason then oh freakin well BOO HOO
Can’t please everyone all the time and unless your planning to have the wedding the same day as hers it won’t steal her thunder
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Do what is right for you and your partner. If you are concerned about a ’spotlight’ for a wedding, consider this, a wedding is 1 day, your marriage is for a lifetime (hopefully
). and if your both ready to have children, there is no difference in having children while married or not, they still require all the same things and you can still give them love.
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Get married now, and have children after. Not for the sake of those who are religious in your family, but because of your future children.
Don’t worry about treading on his sister’s toes – families often have more than one wedding in a year – just make sure it is four months or so apart.
And, it won’t be a financial strain on anyone’s families, since you two are independent and will be paying for your own wedding.
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You don’t have to wait. It would only be an issue if you were planning to have it at or around the same time. You should go ahead and plan your wedding and have it when you are wanting to. Just let family know in advance so they can pllan and save for it.
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I don’t think it will steal the spotlight from her. You guys are having very different weddings and they are still over a year apart. Good luck!
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go ahead and do it. she cant expect everyone to put their lives on hold until her wedding passes. thats just not realistic. if you want to marry before then you have every right to. if anyone in the family has a problem with it then explain that you want to start a family and dont want to do that until you are married. and if someone still doesnt understand that thats just the way life goes. my brother had a huge problem with my getting married. hes older and always thought he would marry first. he even tried to convince my parents to tell me I wasnt allowed to get married (even though I was of age) I just ignored it and went ahead with my planning. if he couldnt be happy for me then I could do without his support. do what makes you happy. and good luck with try to conceive too. my husband and I are looking forward to having a baby soon too. congrats!
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